Graduation!

This week I graduated from a very special six month employability program.

This program contained a heart and soul that is way beyond any government supported program I’ve witnessed or been a part of. The program focuses on women who’ve experienced trauma in their lives and teaches skills to re-enter the workforce with healthy boundaries, positive thinking patterns, confidence, increased self-esteem and professionalism.

The graduation was emotionally charged, especially for all the graduates. Almost everyone of us cried. After sharing our speeches, and being honored for all the hard work that we have done on a professional and personal level, we left Bridges.

Many of us will go back for additional support to the cocoon of love that has been created by all the people who work there. Their passion for helping women, providing healing, one by one, step by step shines through the work they do.

We will not come together again as we did in the classroom, three times each week, for learning and growth. In a short time we created a sense of family together, and now we will leave, each of us on our individual paths, but this time, feeling empowered and confident.

In honor of my graduation, I would like to share with you my speech. I was crying and shaking as I read it aloud in front of around thirty people: new students to the program, fellow graduates and their friends and family and the staff of Bridges.

“When I first came to Bridges I had no idea how much my experiences here would change my life. I came because I intuitively knew it would be invaluable.

I believe there are so many people, men and women, who could benefit from attending a program like this. There were many times a friend of mine would listen to what I’m up to with Bridges and say “Wow, I wish I could experience that.”

My time in Bridges has taught me that I am a strong and invaluable woman, who is an asset to this world. It has shown me that my gifts and strengths can be used, appreciated, explored. I’ve learned to trust myself despite what is going on around me, and to practice self-love every single day.

I am in the process of stepping into my own power and womanhood, a process that Bridges helped to expediate and ground, while providing direction and support that I will be eternally grateful for. I know there is so much that I’ve taken away from this program that I might not have received otherwise.

I’ve learned that I am a soul that thrives on the act of creation, and that it is okay for me to “Follow My Bliss” as Joseph Campbell so famously said. I’ve learned that it is okay for me to make my way in this world, my way.

I am proud to be graduating Bridges with this group of wonderful and beautiful women. I am so happy and grateful that I have been able to witness their journey’s and to have mine witnessed by such strong and wise women who have blossomed so much in these last six months.

Now that I am done Bridges, courage will be my friend, my vulnerability my strength, my heart my guide, my passions my focus, my love my life.

In short, I am a superhero.”

My New Role Model

I have a new role model. Her name is Lady Gaga.

Recently I watched a short documentary about her and to my great delight and surprise it was repeated over and over again how much work she put into her art and her life path.

For some reason I had an impression that success doesn’t take a lot of work. I had this vague idea of how it comes about easily and almost effortless very quickly once the ball gets rolling. All you need to do is be in the right place at the right time or meet the right person.

Working at my own business, Willows Lavender, has been A LOT of work. I’ve been determined and focused on the business because I’m confident that I will eventually live off of the earnings somehow. Its simply a desire I’ve had from a young age that I don’t want to work for anyone else. I want the freedom and autonomy that comes with being self-employed.

For a while I was reading about all these successful people – entrepreneurs, investors, business people, social entrepreneurs, spiritual leaders – who were offering how to’s for success. It seemed rare to come across someone who would simply say “It took a hell of a lot of work to get here. I gave up nights and days to get where I am today.” Persistence and determination came up too of course, but for some reason my mind was like “yeah, yeah, got that, what else can I do?”

Most often I read “Find something you love, and do it” with how-to steps given on starting, but not much beyond that. Logic dictates that if you find what you love, you won’t want to stop doing it so a huge part of being self-employed is solved right there.

I feel that is a misunderstanding and that ultimately self-employment, often like a spiritual path, is an undertaking that is usually extremely individual. This means that while other people’s advice and thoughts can help broaden my horizons and introduce new thoughts to contemplate it still all comes down to me and the decisions I make.

What works for me? What will work for me? For clients, whom am I going to resonate most with? How am I best going to present myself? What is my business going to evolve into as I evolve and grow? How do I want to design my life, and therefore my work experience and income? How am I going to present myself to the world?

These are all questions that are very personal and flexible. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for me so it becomes a process of trial and error or sometimes following intuitive hunches as I make my way through the business world.

Lady Gaga lives her life like its a work of art. Every action and every appearance she makes is another work of art that will end up creating a beautiful masterpiece that looks inside the pure and innocent parts of humanity as well as the gross parts.

I can’t commend or thank her enough for that inspiration of being a living example of a strong co-creator with the Universe. Our lives are a blank canvas that get painted with all of our choices. Some of us have colorful canvases and others have canvases that are shades of gray. Some of us are happy with our canvases, and some of aren’t. Sometimes we try to throw away our canvas and start anew.

The Universe is whispering to you and me that all we dream is truly possible. Our lives are a blank canvas, begin to consciously create and you will see your creations come alive through determination and a lot of hard work.

Lady Gaga’s knew what she wanted and she took all the steps she feasibly could while working hard. This gave the Universe sufficient energies to manifest exactly what she desired, and turned her into a very powerful woman. Her life is an example of the Law of Attraction manifest.

According to the documentary Lady Gaga was born and named Stefani in 1986. She began learning piano at four and showed musical talent early on. She focused on song writing and creating her persona while working hard to make a living at not so glamorous jobs, sometimes working as many as three at a time. She was broke and just making ends meet, but her life changed when she Akon heard her and signed her to his label. Her life changed quickly thereafter as her songs started climbing the charts.

This inspires me. She’s a superstar success at a young age with a philanthropist spirit who stands strong in the image that she has cultivated over the years with a lot of thought and practice. I have an entirely new view of her and much more respect since watching the documentary.

Lady Gaga posters anybody?

Who, alive today, inspires you and is your role model? Why?

 

 

 

Sleeping with Rose Quartz

I have started sleeping with a rose quartz ball that is about ten cm in diameter.

It sounds strange and uncomfortable, I know, but like many good things it just kind of happened.

You see, one of my friends gifted this beautiful piece of rose quartz to me and I placed the stone on my alter. A few days later I took out all my stones from their storage box many of the small stones asked to be placed on the alter to create a mandala of sorts. I ran out of room on the alter table for the rose quartz so I placed her in the middle of the bed with the intention to find her a suitable spot to live.

I ended up being in no hurry to move her because where she ended up on the bed was just too suitable – almost in the center of the room she ties in all of the crystal energies perfectly creating in my opinion, a near perfect crystal grid covering the room.

For past week I’ve woken up and found myself curled around this large rose quartz ball like she is a teddy bear! This subconscious action is interesting to me because for the past few weeks I’ve witnessed me blaming myself for things outside of my control, guilting myself for actions I’ve chosen to take, belittling and insulting myself, on top of all the crooked thinking patterns spoken about in the previous posts (click here and here to read them).

My mind can make my day rainbows and sunshine or a quicksand of hate and self-depreciation. It amazes me how much the mind can affect the day to day decisions that need to be made and how it colours all of my interactions with the people I meet. I wondered briefly if my state of mind could be seen so I began to watch people closer to see if I can determine their state of mind by the words that they use.

Frequently I can. It seems we reveal a lot more to the avid observer than we know or intend.

This in turn makes me reflect on my state of mind each morning before I leave the bed and the loving ball of rose quartz. I want to give the world my best, and I know now that every single interaction will reveal more about me than I am consciously aware of – I am not at the state of awareness that I can observe all levels of me and change it before it happens yet.

One would think that compliments and kind words from friends and strangers alike would lift one out of a negative state of mind but it doesn’t appear to be that way. I have come to the conclusion that it is a choice that determines which state of mind one is in. That choice is most often made outside of our awareness.

It can be hard to stay in the state of mind that one would prefer as well, simply because most human being, myself included are usually influenced by the people around us and the environments that we are in. I find it much easier, personally, to think a certain way until someone comes around that I like or respect who says something different.

My thought was a red helium balloon floating around bringing joy, laughter and smiles to all who saw it, taking me along for a ride in the sky until I allowed it to become deflated based on another persons thought.

It’s a challenge to refill a helium balloon that has a hole in it, even more so if the hole is just a pinprick causing a slow leak. Generally speaking, a popped balloon gets replaced, which is often what happens when a thought has been “deflated” – it’s been replaced with someone else’s idea or thought, not our own.

I feel that the Rose Quartz has been helping me immensely by sharing her loving energies with me each night. I no longer want to move her from my bed. She may be as hard as a rock, but she’s more energetically soft and love filled than a stuffed animal. It seems that when I am least able to give myself the self-love that I need this beautiful stone has stepped up to the plate, sharing her love every night that I need it.

This particular stone feels like a giant hug when its held and its power is strong. Rose Quartz is a stone well known for the love and healing energies that it gives off. Pink in color it works primarily with the heart chakra, and has been known to attract loving relationships into the users life. Rose Quartz is one of the more common stones, and asks that we take the time to take care of ourselves and practice staying centered in our heart. The world is full of joy and love if we are able to see and accept it and vice versa.

I’ve definitely noticed me shifting subtly from the negative mindset I was in a few weeks ago to a more positive and upbeat mindset. I’m on my way to the old me full of upbeat joy! I feel that her energies are helping me heal my heart and bring my souls love forth.

The shift I’ve noticed is not just from the Rose Quartz. I’ve been practicing gratitude and writing down what I want more moments of, and I’ve witnessed one of my friends who has been particularly inspiring to me as of late.

Throughout all of her circumstances, even in ones that, if I were her, I would’ve just been too angry to do anything but scream or cry she has taken them on with the most open-hearted joy that I have ever seen a person express. Everything has a positive to it, and she quickly finds it with laughter no matter what life has just served her.

I shared a quote with her that turned out to be one of the quotes that she has been aspiring to live for the past year or two, and is succeeding in:

“When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.” – Buddha

Do you have a quote that inspires you? What is it? Any inspiring friend stories? What is your favorite stone/crystal to sleep with? Why?

P.S. I once slept with carnelian under my pillow, and had nightmares for all three nights he was there. I figured out later that carnelian vibrates best with the root chakra, thus it is better placed near the root when sleeping… lol. face palm.

Leaf Deadly or Not

I went to the park and while I was there, did a Reiki session on myself. I was lying on a beautiful moss covered rock surrounded by oak trees that overlooked the shaggy grass, blackberry bushes and small trees that cover the bottom half of the park. I began contemplating the plants surrounding me and an experience I had while waiting for food from the Miracle Center…

Standing with two other women beside the garden I breathe deeply as a waft of mint gently floats by. “Mmmm… smells so good.”

One of the women reaches down and touches the leaves of one of the small plants in the garden. “It’s mint, from here.”

Excitedly I look at the small plant with purple flowers on its top, similar to lavender. “It doesn’t look like a mint I’m familiar with; perhaps its spearmint?”

She shrugs, and points at a large bush behind the mint plants. “I think this is bay leaf.”

We both smelled the plant, and laughed because we could only smell mint now that we had rubbed our fingers along the mint leaves.

“I wonder if it is bay leaf. I don’t want to try it just in case its not.” She said.

Now as I lie on my rock in the park I contemplated that statement. A small bite of a leaf or a berry will not harm most healthy people. Yet I’ve also been told as a child not to try leaves or berries because some of them are deadly. Even now I often wonder what something is, and instinctively want to try the leaves or the fruit. I catch myself because of the fear that I might get sick.

Sure we might have a bit of a reaction, but it will not kill us. Herbs are known to help us, never to harm us unless we take them in a large amount. It is such a delight to try a mysterious plant that calls to me only to find when I taste it that I recognize it! My whole being lights up with joy!

Since when did a bite of a leaf become something that we avoid?

And if a small bite of a leaf or berry is indeed that powerful what are we doing trying to heal ourselves with pills? Those pills take a bit of the original plant and put it in an artificial form filled with other things that may or may not help us. Most of us don’t really know what is in that pill.

The whole part of the plant will help us in a natural form that compliments our bodies. It is not a foreign object that yes, our body can digest, but is it easy on our bodies?

Lying on the moss covered rock I looked around at the plants that have slowly become more and more my friends since moving out to the West Coast. My heart fills with love and gratitude for their healing energies and also their wisdom. It makes me sad to feel that their wisdom is being lost among the general populace.

Did you know that red roses can be used to stop bleeding? Their petals can be dried and ground into a powder that can be used on sore throats. They can also be used in a salve that will help heal rashes, sores and cuts. Pretty cool eh? They smell good too.

Everywhere I walk there are red roses blooming in Victoria. How many people will think of saving them for future use.

The Universe has given us a pharmacy right outside our doorstep. I’ve heard that saying before and its only in the past few months that I’ve really been able to experience it in action. I’ve begun to enjoy searching out the plants, identifying and naming them. Here in Victoria, when walking or biking I am able to point out the plants that I’ve learned and recite to myself what I’ve learned they can help with.

I feel proud and empowered when I experience a symptom of something and can walk out my door with nothing only to walk back in a few hours later with a herb that will relieve it. I’m not sure I will ever know all the herbs and their properties, but I would be happy with a working knowledge that remedies most common complaints.

For a time I was thinking to myself how amazing it would be if basic herbalism and gardening and other such skills were taught in the public school system. I stumbled into a program here in Victoria, called Lifecycles, which is doing just that. And I’m now a volunteer there! I’m super excited about it because I get to learn, and participate in teaching children about the planet. How cool is that?

There is still so much to learn and I am looking forward to my explorations. I am so grateful that Victoria has such a huge group of people that are involved in learning and teaching this medicine. The Ecovillage movement is rapidly growing here as more and more people are drawn to community living in balance with nature and organic foods.

Not only in Victoria is a movement of living closer to the Earth growing. In Russia in 2006 a law was passed giving a hectare of land to any willing family free of charge that can be passed down generationally. This was implemented in the hopes to reduce poverty and homelessness while providing more income for the families, from my understanding. It may have possibly been based on the plan from The Ringing Cedar Series.

I believe both of these movements will continue to grow as they feel to be a much needed step. They may not be perfect, but it is through taking a step that we get closer to something “perfect”.

My heart is happy to be witness to these positive steps of change that are occurring. YAY humanity!

I’m excited to continue delving into learning more about plants and how to preserve and grow food. I know the knowledge will come in handy someday… Perhaps when I’m living on my own plot of land on an Ecovillage or in a situation similar to Russia…? 🙂

Are there herbs that you regularly use? What for? Do you see the value of herbal medicine? What do you think of the law passed in Russia and Ecovillages?

The Merry-Go-Round of Self-Respect and Selfishness

This week was chalk full (where did that saying come from?) of stuff coming up for me. All of it I’ve looked at before and delved into it, but this time I knew it wasn’t a reminder. It was an invitation to go deeper, go through another layer, take another ride on the Merry Go Round.

The horses that I would ride on my beautiful red with gold gild carousel would be called Selfishness and Self-Respect. If I could give my love to both horses at the same time I would, however, I can only fully focus on one at a time. Thus I will do so:

Self-Respect

The class I’m in right now focuses on helping women gain employment skills and increase self-confidence and self-esteem. A common theme became evident in a classroom conversation when the teachers were out of class: All of us had met and dated men that did not respect women.

Many of us agreed that there definitely are men out there that respect women. Just how do we meet one?

I explained what we had noticed and put the following question to one of my good friends and sometimes mentor. “Why is it that we all seem to be  experiencing men who don’t respect women?”

Her response was a question: “How many of the women in your group respect themselves?”

Thinking about it, not many of us do. We are in the process of learning to respect ourselves. It shows through the significant differences that have emerged among all the women from our first day to now from the way we act, speak, and are taking care of ourselves.

On the flip side, how can I expect others to respect me if I don’t respect myself?

I began evaluating my life. How am I not respecting myself? What does it look like to respect myself? How would I define respect?

Here are some of the things that came to mind for me:

Boundaries. Trusting myself. Following my heart and my intuition. Giving myself what I need: space to contemplate and process, silence. Taking care of myself first.

What would it look like to respect myself? In all honesty, I’m not sure. I imagine I would feel empowered and strong. Guarding my boundaries would be second nature. I would know how I am feeling and how to respectfully state it. My voice would be used appropriately and be heard.

How am I not respecting myself? Boundaries are huge for me and learning what it is that I am feeling.

Its so important that to know what I am emotionally feeling. Often times I need a while to identify and process what I feel. As much as I would like to rush this process I need to allow it to flow. This will make my life easier, and when I am in relationships I will be able to better handle myself. It will become clearer to me why I am making the choices I choose.

Following my heart and intuition I feel I’m doing okay on. It is usually easier for me to follow my intuition but it gets cloudy when I don’t have the space that I need to allow my heart and intuition to speak.

Selfishness

It seems that we are programmed in Western Society to believe that taking care of ourselves first is selfish, and that selfishness is bad bad bad! I believe this to be a faulty thought pattern. As a healer I often hear, witness and fall victim to the thought that I must be selfless and therefore all that I possibly can to others. This is not true.

It came to my awareness last year that taking care of myself leads to me taking even better care of others. It made it okay for me to do what I need to do and not drop everything I was doing for other people. It was okay to ensure that I had a bit of time for myself each day.

I have noticed that still to this day I will allow other people to have more presence in my life than what I would personally like. For me one of the biggest acts of selfishness is taking myself away from others in time and in presence. This is also one of the healthiest things that I can do for myself.

Selfishness is a behavior that is trained out of us though that can benefit many. It allows us to clarify what we desire and want. It allows us to create and to be. It allows us to know ourselves.

Selfishness is not bad when it is not in the egotistical extreme. It is a good thing in many cases. We are living on this planet for ourselves, not for others. Yes, we may help others a long our way which is an experience that can create sensations of goodness, but ultimately our life needs to be lived for us. If we let others rule our life will we truly find happiness, contentment or joy?

Is it selfish that as a healer I will reschedule a session with a client if I do not feel that I can be fully present? A year ago I wouldn’t have, but now it is simply that I cannot give them a quality session when I am in a poor emotional, mental or physical state. This action takes care of myself and provides my client a better quality service.

As much as I have grown in this regard I still take better care of other people than I do myself.

Often I treat people in my life how I want to be treated, however I don’t treat myself nearly as well. Rarely do I spoil myself in ways that make my soul sing. It is easy for my boundaries to become mucky and my voice go unheard. Often experiences of silence that soothe my soul more than anything else disappear. Space that I require to process and contemplate I choose to relinquish because I want to spend time with others.

I love them more than I love me it seems.

Taking care of myself will automatically create self-respect and trust.

By being “selfish” I know that no matter what is happening in my life I will consistently take care of myself. Therefore I can trust that my needs are being met. Self-respect will grow.

The act of sacrificing a part of me because its “right” or because it will help someone no longer exists. I will stay whole, and I will stay me.

My horses seem to be brother and sister. Perhaps they are the beautiful chestnut horses that pull the carriage on my Merry Go Round. When I work with one the other becomes stronger, and vice versa. I love that they are so inter-related!

What do you think self-respect is? Thoughts on selfishness?

Crooked Thinking and Limiting Beliefs Part 2

Last weeks blog post became so long I had to divide it into two! This post focuses more on my learning, the reminders that I received during the workshop and some of my thoughts that occurred to me.

One of the main reminders I received in the workshop is that my choice of words is very important and do matter. A lot of re-framing reminds me of non-violent communication (NVC) because it has so much to do with the choice of words that we use when talking to ourselves. Our word choices easily spill out to our communications with other people, but if we focus on changing the words we use with others it will change how we think and vice versa.

It seems much more powerful to focus on, or at least be aware of, both at once. I’m curious if thought rehabilitation would be faster that way?

The following questions began to surface in my mind: How conscious have I been the last couple weeks? How aware have am I right now? Am I in the present moment?

And sadly, I have to say, that these last couple weeks being in the present moment and consciously aware of what I am doing have not been on the top of my priority list. I’ve felt like I’m floating around for the majority of the time. In that moment I renewed my commitment to practicing self-awareness and bringing myself back to the present moment.

Nobody can make me feel anything. The phrase “He made me mad.” is false because he didn’t make me mad. I feel mad when he does that because… Most likely the because is due to a link of an experience from the past. It is my choice to acknowledge the feelings that come up and how I deal with them.

As soon as I say “He made me mad” I’ve given my power away to him. In order for me to not give away my power to anyone else I need to take full responsibility for how I feel and thereby how I act. I never have to act angry if I choose not to act angry. Instead I can acknowledge the feeling and the underlying emotion and choose a desired option such as releasing my anger in a healthy way.

Feelings and emotions are two different things. Feelings are fleeting and can change in an instant. Emotions tend to stay with us and are much more difficult to change. I studied with a psychologist once who liked to state that all feelings come from one of four base emotions: pain, love, fear, joy.

When thinking about negative and positive thoughts, I often see that there are two parts of me. Each part is a plant. One plant is the positive and the other plant is negative. I have a choice of which one I will water and give food to. Thinking negative thoughts will help the negative plant and part of me to grow. But if I think positive thoughts, and change my negative thoughts to positive ones my positive side and plant grows strong. In the meantime the negative side withers and shrinks. The part of me that I pay most attention to will eventually take on a life of its own, making it easier to think in a particular way until its natural.

After contemplating the workshop material for a few days, I’ve come to conclude that I function under the core belief that I am flawed. Looking at myself completely honestly I have many of the thought patterns and behaviors listed.

I’ve put on my war gear and superhero cape and am proud to report that I’m slowly but surely winning the battle of minds.

The picture to the side with the saying “It is easier to build up a child than to repair a man” has been getting passed around on my Facebook. I have to agree: Repairing myself is a lot of work. It takes a lot of time, energy, awareness and constant alertness. It can be serious. A lot is at stake, as in most wars.

I like to make it playful and dramatic because it makes things so much more fun.

In my mind’s eye I put on my fighting gear, which changes according to the activity and my mood . Then I see my weapons – skills, life experience, tools – being brandished and I get ready for battle. I sit down in lotus pose even when I’m in a black latex suit with cats ears on my head like  Cat Woman. Perhaps I’ll be Storm another day. Or maybe a ninja. Sometimes I’m just me.

I’m waiting to catch the thought, waiting for the moment to come where I can best act…

And when that moment comes I pounce on it! I use all the skills, tools and life experience I’ve accumulated to counteract the thought.

Often I miss the thought, that sweet moment when I know I’ve changed this one. The times that I catch them are quickly increasing in frequency, and my superhero self is getting much more skilled. Slowly I am learning the ways that thought patterns like to disguise themselves.

For me, changing my thoughts changes my life. Changing a thought can easily and effortlessly change my entire world; it can create a new world. It can bring things into my life, help me expand what I see and experience, and create more knowing and wisdom. It allows me to know my soul a bit more and allow my Highest Service to come through.

I believe that complete and true freedom comes from ones thoughts. It comes when we no longer have anyone else’s programming (intended or not) running through us even at the subconscious level. It comes when we are able to have all areas in our lives run congruent, in time with each other, in full alignment with all of ourselves.

All of us can attain this freedom, and that we all can change the thoughts that we have if we choose to do so. Yes, it is hard work that ceaselessly needs to be done, but the layers and thoughts do change. That’s how you know you’ve graduated from one grade to the next.

How many grades are there?

I don’t know.

That is why I believe this workshop is so important. What do you think? Thoughts? Do you have moments that you see yourself as a superhero? When? What is complete and true freedom to you?

 

Crooked Thinking and Limiting Beliefs

Last weeks blog post gave you an example of what I would like to discuss today – re-framing crooked thinking and limiting beliefs. Recently at Bridges we took a workshop called “Changing Limiting Belief Systems.” It was a highly valuable class where I learned a lot and received reminders of what I’ve been working on. I would like to share some of of the workshop with you, my lovely readers. Perhaps you will find the knowledge and technique as helpful as I did.

This approach is called cognitive restructuring from my understanding of cognitive therapy. Though a very left-brain approach this technique seems very useful and follows how most people naturally think. Many of us in class discovered we were already doing this work to various degrees. Now we were just getting the vocabulary and a greater understanding of what exactly we were doing. This workshop, and article will, focus on re-framing our thoughts and creating choices for how we respond to situations and people in our lives.

Re-framing is the art of turning something around, in this case a negative thought to a postive thought. This requires acknowledging the feelings surrounding the thought and making a choice on how to proceed. Let’s talk about core beliefs for a moment.

Core beliefs are thoughts that are so strong they seem to be a apart of us and govern us. For many people, but not all, these thoughts are subconscious. They can be brought to conscious awareness and changed with awareness and mindfulness.

Negative core beliefs can cause distorted thinking/crooked thinking which doesn’t serve our Highest Good. For example, having the core belief that I am flawed in some way might lead to me having avoidance behaviours, perfectionism, or being inauthentic.

Positive core beliefs help us a long our path and serve our Highest good. They bring about healthy boundaries, and positive behaviors that protect us as well as authenticity and true unshakeable confidence that comes from inside ourselves.

Reframing involves four steps.

  1. Recognize. Notice the thought and ask yourself, “Is this serving me? Is it positive or negative?” If it is negative, “Do I want to work with this thought right now and reframe it? Where does this thought come from? When did it start? Why am I thinking this?” And my favorite: “What is my motive?”
  2. Acknowledge. Notice and say hi to the feelings that are coming up with the thought. You can’t deny them; they are there and real, and will come back to haunt you if you try denial. Seriously. They will. What are your feelings telling you?
  3. Stop or Disrupt the thought. The beautiful thing about our minds is that we can only think one thought at a time. I know that sometimes it feels like we are thinking a millions things at once: our brain is going so fast, a thousand miles a second, that we must be thinking a million things at once. Not true.
  4. Replace the thought with a new thought. If you don’t do this last and final step you will have a hole left where the old thought was inside your thinking patterns. That means the old thought can easily come back, so simply replace it with a positive thought and a positive way of thinking.

One of the most useful things I received in the workshop is a list of ten common patterns of distorted or crooked thinking.

All-or-Nothing (Black & White Thinking) – Switching from one extreme to another. Eg. “One mistake ruined the whole thing.”

Overgenerallization – Assuming that because something happened once it will always happen. Eg. “I always blow it at the last minute.” or “You always forget to do the things I ask.”

Mental Filter (Dwelling on the Negative) – Dwell on the negatives and ignore the postives. Eg. “I got it right this time but I had to try three times before I finally got it right.”

Discounting the Postivies – Insisting that your accomplishments or positive qualities don’t count. Eg. “I was just lucky.”

Jumping to Conclusions – Part A is Mind Reading. Belieivng that you know what other people are thinking. Eg. “They all thought I was stupid.” Part B is Fortune Telling. Arbitrarily predicting that things will turn out badly. Eg. “Everything is bound to go wrong.”

Magnification or Minimization – Either blowing things way up out of porportion or shrinking their importance inappropriately. Eg. “I’ll never get over it.”

Emotional Reasoning – Mistaking feeling for facts. Eg. “I’m so worried; I just know soemthing is going to go wrong.”

Should statements – Criticizeing yourself or others with shoulds, shouldn’ts, musts, oughts and have tos.

Labelling (Name Calling) – Idenfiying with your shortcomings or mistakes. Eg. “I’m and idiot.” or “Anybody who could do that must be brain dead.”

Personalization and Blame – Blaming yourself for soemthing that was not your responsibility. “Its all my fault” or “If only I’d done more.”

When I went through this list the first time I easily was able to check off four patterns that apply to me. Since watching my thoughts more carefully I’ve checked off more.

Our class was given the following exercise:

For one week record your negative thoughts. You might write them down, or make check marks on paper, or put a penny in a jar for each one that you have. If you are recording your negative thoughts on paper, divide your paper into three columns. In the first column put your thoughts. In the second column identify the pattern. Lastly, re-frame the thought in the third box. This exercise is done to bring more awareness to what thoughts you are thinking and gives an opportunity to practice re-framing, if you are so inclined.

You are invited to join us, and share with me your experiences of this approach and thought patterns. Have you done something like this before? Was it beneficial? How did you change your thinking most efficiently?

Next week is part two of this topic. 🙂

Jumping to the Future!

Really, sometimes, I wish I could tell you what the future is. Other times I am really glad that I can’t because then there would be no amazing surprises or dastardly mistakes that make me laugh with joy. Those things can only happen when life is being spontaneously lived, and I never want to give them up.

Today’s blog post is actually about a thing I do that is really annoying (to me). It’s this thing where I try to see my whole future, and jump conclusions about how its going to feel and turn out. One of my friends calls it “jumping”. I think that’s a good name for this thought pattern that often stops me from doing what I desire.

What happens often when I jump is that I will get stuck on just one aspect of what I’m jumping about. The ability to see the bigger picture is not utilized and the decision I make is no longer objective because I’ve based it on what I’ve jumped to in my mind. Often, this has kept me paralyzed and I’ve not done what I want to do because of the made up consequences that were created in my mind. Most of the time those consequences did not actually happen, or life changed so much by that time that they didn’t matter anymore.

I have a most perfect example for you this week because my tendency to jump came up again in the one area of my life that I experience much turmoil. Though I’ve practiced relaxing in most areas of my life previous to the following conversation I was totally unaware that I was jumping…

I’ve gone back and forth for years on the education that I would like to pursue. I have an avoidance of University for a myriad of reasons that don’t need to be listed today, and so I’ve tried to think up and take “short-cuts”. As much as I dislike University I’ve resigned myself to attend in the coming year.

After much research and synchronicity I’ve decided I’d like to receive training as a counsellor.

Because when I grow up I want to be a Spiritual Counselor. YAY! Can’t wait for my first day!

Here is where I jump: from my research most jobs in this field require at minimum a Master’s degree. That translates into six years of school. I cannot STAND the thought of being tied down anywhere for six years. That just freaks me out. To me, it seems like an entire lifetime! My freedom will be compromised by my commitment of six years, and I will not be able to do anything that I want!

*dramatically dies*

My friend whom I told this too started laughing.

“What?” I asked, tears in my eyes.

“Why don’t you just think about it in smaller chunks? One semester at a time rather than six years. It’s a lot more manageable that way.”

I thought about it for a minute, and began thinking about one semester. My body instantly relaxed. Then I thought about six years, and hew boy, my body tensed up. Back to one semester.

“I can do that.”

I love this! In that moment I realized that breaking things down into manageable tasks is a much more efficient way of thinking about my life. It makes everything a lot more feasible and not as scary in the long run. Life always is changing, and for all I know I might only go for one semester because some amazing once in a lifetime opportunity comes up and I choose to take that instead of continuing my studies. Perhaps I move to Australia, and continue studying there. Who knows?

The thing is, that too, is jumping into the future. There are things that I’ve not done or procrastinated because of the “What if’s” and there are things that I have jumped into without much thought. It takes a lot of practice for me to get it in the middle of not thinking too much which usually leads me to jumping, and of thinking too little which usually means I take on way more than I can handle.

In one year so much can change. It is much more helpful for me to stay in the present moment with tentative plans then it is for me to jump six years into the future and think about all that I might miss out on. By staying in the present more it is easier for me to take advantage of the opportunities that do come my way, and to follow my intuition to take the opportunities that are right for me.

A few years ago when asked what I was going to do for the next couple of years. I would answer “Right now, I am doing this. In the next month I do this, and in the month after I will do this. After that, I have no idea.”

I liked that. It kept my life open. I didn’t have the weight of commitments holding me down past where I could handle, which at that time was three months. At the same time it wasn’t necessarily the most healthy thing. I didn’t want to give commitments that were longer than a three-month span because of what might happen.

This held me back from anything I wasn’t one hundred percent gung-ho. I didn’t think of things as a pros and cons list, but instead as a feeling. If it felt right I would take the opportunity and go for it. I fought hard to be able to have the choice of following my feelings. As much as I would like to take every opportunity, I have learned not every opportunity needs to be taken. I can choose the ones that will serve me best and teach me what I desire.

University does not feel all the way right. I have concerns about it however, careful thought and consideration conclude that it is wise to keep my options open and if lacking a degree is keeping me back it would be a good idea to do something to remedy the situation…

Let’s re-frame the following:

The thoughts “To me that seems like an entire lifetime! My freedom will be compromised by my commitment of six years, and I will not be able to do anything that I want!” are examples of thinking called “All or Nothing Thinking” and “Over-generalization” and “Jumping to Conclusions – Fortune Telling” in Cognitive Behavior Therapy according to the class I’m attending at Bridges for Women. This thinking is a distorted way of viewing the world, and in my example I do indeed have a view that does not serve me well.

Let us re-frame the thoughts: Six years is not an entire lifetime, in reality it will go quite fast (it’s already been five years since I graduated high school). I will be quite busy in University. Many students transfer schools, go away for trips, and have many more amazing experiences while they are in school. Students begin and leave, they begin and stay. Life changes, school changes, location changes. It all can happen. If I don’t like it or it feels wrong I can always leave; there are many options available for my education, even within the University system.

That sounds much better.

Stayed tuned for next weeks super juicy blog post on Crooked Thinking & Limiting Beliefs! 🙂

Late New Moon Post!

Ah! Apologies for the late blog post this week! I would say that it won’t happen again, but it very well might.

You see, this week I’ve realized that I have a ton of projects on the go, none of which are close to completion. The pile keeps getting added to while I’m feeling the importance of writing for this blog, my own novel and content for the Willows Lavender newsletter (still awaiting its first edition).

I decided this week to re-prioritize everything that I’m doing. I’m feeling a pull to complete a few things that have been lagging for the past few months. So, the blog post is late because I started maybe five of them, but none of them have sufficient quality content that I would be happy to post due to the lack of contemplation.

Thus, I’ve decided to write a short blog post in honor of this past weekends New Moon!

I have come to love the passing of the New and Full moons because they signify a passage of time that is natural and inherent to our own bodies passage of time. Since being a child I’ve often wondered what it was like to live in a time where the only time keepers were the sun and the moon instead of the artificial time that we race around to now. Instinctively it feels that to me we would all be much more relaxed, and our bodies would function better.

Never did I guess that by simply acknowledging the passage of the Moons with ceremony that my body would adjust itself to the natural cycle of the moon.

I’ve recorded for the last four months that my period ends the day the New Moon begins. Last year at this time, my cycle was irregular and I could only guess when my flow would start. Now I know exactly when it will start. It has stayed regular throughout all of the changes and stress in my life over the past four months which is amazing to me.

Just before the New Moon I will feel quite tired, and things that need to end will be ended that week. My understanding of this is that in a new cycle energies that are no longer serving me don’t need to be in the new. It might screw up the manifestation power of the New Moon if old energies join new!

On the day of my ceremony for the New Moon I will write down all the new things I want to invite into my life, and look over the things that I’ve asked for the last New Moons. Gratitude hits me with each stroke of my pen that crosses off the things that have manifest for me, the wishes that have come true, the wishes that came true but weren’t quite right, and the knowledge that my wishes will come true.

Each night I find myself out and about I catch myself looking for the moon in the sky and breathing in the sweet and fresh air – its a moment to pause everything and give respect to the power that nature still holds over us even in the city. With each passing I find myself being more and more drawn to join the nature that surrounds me.

I think nature is growing on me… I was thinking of going camping soon…

Purity of Thought

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about purity of thought and the power behind it. So voila! Here are some thoughts I’ve been working on for a little while. Enjoy!

Many great teachers have mentioned and taught many times over that purity of thought is a huge component in manifesting ascension for ourselves. They all teach different ways that can help one to achieve the level of purity that is required: thinking positive thoughts, replacing all thoughts with positive ones, mantras, meditation practices, prayer, breathing to mention a few common techniques.

What is purity of thought?

I believe it is the emotional and mental state (thereby physical and spiritual states too) where we are ourselves, one hundred percent pure. In this state we have no fear, sadness, pain, happiness or joy. It is not to say that we do not experience emotion, but rather our emotions do not control us. They don’t bring us into the past or into the future. We are in the moment as each moment happens.

In this state we have no pre-programmed beliefs or systems running through us at all. Other people’s ideas and thoughts from our parents to our society’s no longer exist within us, and we have nothing to truly “process” or “figure out”. It all is, and we are able to see and know in the fullest sense of Truth. We have entered the No-Mind of Zen and Nirvana of Buddhism.

It is also when we are in this completely pure state that our subconscious is in total alignment with our consciousness, and that means we step into full consciousness, full awareness of our power. That is when we have one hundred percent control of our body and we can heal any part of ourselves effortlessly. It is when we are able to reprogram our minds, bodies, and spirit in an instant because we are no longer a slave to the mind or the emotional body. This is sometimes called the state of the Ascended Masters and other enlightened beings.

I believe it is our true state, and we’ve simply forgotten what our true state is. Aka. YES! I’M A SUPERHERO IN DISGUISE!!! 😀

And so are you.

How do we attain purity of thought?

This process is going to be different for each person because we are all unique individuals with so many variables affecting each of us.

Because we are all so unique no one says that you need to be a new age spiritual junkie to attain purity of thought. I personally believe that many people who work close with nature like a survivalist, and all of the people we have seen YouTube videos about as they play with ‘wild animals’ such as lions or crocodiles have somehow attained a purity of thought that is rare in our current society. Perhaps you can attain it with food?

For me, right now it will come through my practices that are largely a mix-mash of many different traditions and the focus of this particular article is written with that focus and influence.

And I believe all of the ways that the great spiritual teachers teach us are all equally valid. Perhaps one of the best ways of reaching purity of thought is using each practice, or devising our own, as it fits most naturally in our lives.

If we were to do all of the most common spiritual practices our life might look something like:

  • Wake up
  • Meditate in whichever form you are inspired to (minimum 1 hour)
  • Yoga
  • Visit nature to maintain a strong connection to the planet (and its grounding)
  • Pray
  • Practice gratitude
  • Constant watching of thought and reprogramming thought patterns as much as possible (tireless work)

When do you actually go to work?

Purity of Thought in Practice

It seems like a lot, and it is. It gets easier for all of us as more people do the work to create larger paths for others to follow. It also gets easier with practice because it turns into a lifestyle that naturally benefits you. I know from my personal experience that tenacious dedication to my spiritual practices at first were essential in turning spirituality into a natural lifestyle. Even though there was a lot of work involved I noticed a general improvement over my entire well-being and flow to my life.

I’ve also noticed that many practices have become so well ingrained with my life after years of practice that I am no longer able to separate the spiritual part of myself from the rest of me. It would take conscious effort on my part to stop doing spiritual practices because I have such a strong habit of praying when I’m walking, practicing mindfulness whenever I remember, and watching my thoughts.

I am still far from perfect though and often  I resist flowing into a more dedicated practice in my life. I say, “I’m too busy” to meditated everyday. That is an excuse, I know. Often when I experience resistance to my practice and so slowly I let it decline into something (for me) that’s non-existent. This resistance comes most often from fear. This was the fear that Marianne Williamson so famously speaks about in the following words:

“it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.”

Any practice, spiritual or not, that brings us closer to our true selves, our Divinity, helps our light shine brighter and our power to grow.

Results of Purity of Thought

In our society purity of thought separates us from the norm, our light and power separates us from everyone else. (Spiderman anyone? Batman? Cat Woman? X-Men? Maybe they aren’t all light, but they definitely have power and they are definitely separate from the norm…)

The stronger our light shines, the greater the degree of difference we feel from more people. We no longer resonate with them. We are there to help and share our wisdom and talents but the actual amount of people that we can be true friends or lovers with gets smaller and smaller and smaller the purer our thought becomes. Unless we show everyone how easy it is to be a superhero! 😛

To have purity of thought defines you as someone different from everyone else. Purity of thought brings forth the impossible into everyday lives, and when it is strong, can show what is actually possible as a human being. People who pursue this purity will learn that their lives are very different from the norm, and it will in a sense alienate them from the majority. But they will be the most courageous, brilliant, ingenious, beautiful and radiant human beings we will ever see and know.

 My Conclusion

Therefore, I accept the challenge to manifest purity of thought in my own mind. Because I’m done being scared of who I truly am. Because I am going to take control and take responsibility for everything in my life so that I can create exactly what I desire in my life. So each day I will learn my lessons as best I can, and learn more about how I can shine, practicing releasing all that holds me back. Because I really love the thought that I’M A SUPERHERO!

What do you say? Will you join me in uncovering your inner superhero? Perhaps your path is not one of meditation. What path do you choose, and what path works for you?

I’m excited to hear about your adventures! 🙂

P.S.

This article turned out to be five-page long essay, so this blog post is a much shortened version of that. 🙂