Tag Archives: thinking

The Dating Dance | The Energetic Side of a Date | Energetic Cords

online-dating-header2This is inspired by a post on one of the blogs that I follow who posted this here.

In this post I’d like to talk about a couple of things.

First I go over cords because this is all done through the cords. From my understanding, at the beginning of a relationship, most of the dating dance is done in the subtle realms. The physical realms help a lot, of course, however, the energy is potent and can make or break a relationship in my opinion.

The second part is an example of how the dance works. This post is written from a heterosexual point of view, but can be applied to any mixture of gender and couples. It’s all energies, frequencies, and connections.

Next week’s post will be about managing these energetic cords in healthy ways.

It seems to me that there is an energetic sensitivity that occurs between two people dancing the date dance. Every so often I’ve seen it in my head:

Myself and the man are walkie talkies set to our own frequency. Then we go out on a date together which shows us if our frequencies can match each other, if we can talk a similar language, if we can hear each other. Its a dance that comes to an end it seems when we part ways. But then, our frequencies have become attuned to each other. After that point, whether we know it or not, our subconscious and conscious ways of being will effect the result of that date. 

A Brief Lesson On Cords

Even though we are not in each others physical company we still have an energetic cord that has been created. This cord runs from me to him and him to me. It keeps us in tune with each other. And its often subconscious. This is why people say that if you think of someone often they are probably thinking about you. Or why your intuition can tell you more about a person in silence than when your with them.

Because of the cord that has been created you can tune into that person and feel what they are feeling. You get the inside scoop on what is going on for them. Which is probably why women always know when a man is cheating – its whether or not they want to admit it. We can feel where they are putting their time and energy. We are built for it.

But don’t worry men, you can tune into women as well we can tune into you. I’ve dated men who will take the time to tune into me, and I have to admit to you, its a huge selling point for me in a man.

Both parties in a relationship have the same access to the cord that connects you two.

Lets be clear about one thing about these cords: These cords run between you and other people ALL THE TIME.

The deeper and more intimate the relationship the stronger/bigger the cords is. The less depth to the relationship the less the cord is there. Cords are created between you and your family members, friends, work mates, team mates, the barista you received coffee from today, the beggar on the street… Absolutely everyone!

connectingsoulsCords are part of a natural process of life that allows us to develop deeper connections with those we desire to and to stay tuned into those people. The people that after several months of not talking to we want to call up and say “Hey” or the people that pop into our heads. “I needed to call George because I felt like something was wrong. It turns out that he had a terrible fall the other day and just got out of the hospital.”

Healthy cords allow us to feel connected and supported within the web of people that we know. We are in a constant state of giving and taking energetically. The cords allow the energy we need to come to us and the energy others need to be gifted to them in this constant flux.

Unhealthy cords create unhealthy tendencies in relationships. Some examples of these behaviours are the following:

  • an unhealthy obsession will occur
  • one person inside the relationship will be constantly fatigued (or if a person has several cords connecting in unhealthy ways then that person might be constantly tired)
  • a codependent relationship may occur
  • or a person will be almost addicted to another person.

It is because of the cord that is developed on a date that a sensitivity to another person is developed. The person at the other end of the cord can literally feel what you are putting out there. Are you putting out a desperate vibe? Are you putting out a i-liked-him-had-a-great-night-will-trust-that-he-calls-me-goes-about-my-day-vibe?

Whichever vibe you are feeding is what he will feel through the cord that connects the both of you.

And he will match his response to that vibe.

Just as you will match your response to his vibe.

In my experience, this is how unhealthy people enter into a relationship with other unhealthy people while healthy people attract healthy people.

If the frequency you put off when you are away from that person matches their blueprint (the way that perceive and function in relationships) that person will generally pursue the relationship.

An Example

I go on a date with a man and we match well. I feel really connected to him, and I feel the night has gone amazing. We may have even shared a kiss! When he drops me off, he says, “I’ll call you tomorrow.” I say, “Please do.” with a grin, and leave on a high.

If I am in an unhealthy state of mind I might be obsessively checking my phone, allowing whether or not he calls me to affect my mood. I may obsess for a few days before taking action and doing something about it. Perhaps I have been thinking about him non-stop. I may not be focused on what I am doing because I am so focused on him. Maybe even stop doing what I need to do because this has affected me so much.

The man feels this when he thinks about me. That’s all he has to do in order to tune into my energy. The more aware he is the more conscious information he will receive, however, he will still receive information in the subtle realms and respond appropriately for his blueprint.

If he is operating a healthy state of mind most likely in that extreme scenario he would not be interested in pursuing the relationship further. If he is in an unhealthy state of mind he would probably pursue the relationship as long as he felt that it could match the blueprint he holds for his relationships.

cordsIf I am in a healthy state of mind the next day then I would find myself not obsessing, but curious and open. I would be doing what I need to do with the glow of the possibility of new love. I would have patience to let it grow as it will grow and to nurture it into something.

There is a lack of attachment that the unhealthy state of mind often has – an attachment to fulfilling oneself in some way instead of allowing the relationship to be the cherry on to of an already fulfilling life.

A man operating from an unhealthy state of mind might pursue me but find himself quickly rejected due to the blueprint of what I perceive a healthy relationship. A man operating from a healthy state of mind might pursue me and we might find that even if the relationship doesn’t continue as lovers that we can be in relationship to each other in healthy ways.

That, to me, is the energetic dance of dating.

It’s something to think about and be aware of, but not something obsess over. It’s something to witness inside of yourself and consciously make choices about what kind of frequency you put out to increase the probability of what you desire coming true.

Think beyond just relationships with lovers. This is a micro view of a macro. This is a pattern that holds true for all areas of life. The frequency you put out will attract that in the subtle realms.

And its all learning.

Stay tuned for next weeks post on healthy ways to manage your cords.

Crooked Thinking and Limiting Beliefs

Last weeks blog post gave you an example of what I would like to discuss today – re-framing crooked thinking and limiting beliefs. Recently at Bridges we took a workshop called “Changing Limiting Belief Systems.” It was a highly valuable class where I learned a lot and received reminders of what I’ve been working on. I would like to share some of of the workshop with you, my lovely readers. Perhaps you will find the knowledge and technique as helpful as I did.

This approach is called cognitive restructuring from my understanding of cognitive therapy. Though a very left-brain approach this technique seems very useful and follows how most people naturally think. Many of us in class discovered we were already doing this work to various degrees. Now we were just getting the vocabulary and a greater understanding of what exactly we were doing. This workshop, and article will, focus on re-framing our thoughts and creating choices for how we respond to situations and people in our lives.

Re-framing is the art of turning something around, in this case a negative thought to a postive thought. This requires acknowledging the feelings surrounding the thought and making a choice on how to proceed. Let’s talk about core beliefs for a moment.

Core beliefs are thoughts that are so strong they seem to be a apart of us and govern us. For many people, but not all, these thoughts are subconscious. They can be brought to conscious awareness and changed with awareness and mindfulness.

Negative core beliefs can cause distorted thinking/crooked thinking which doesn’t serve our Highest Good. For example, having the core belief that I am flawed in some way might lead to me having avoidance behaviours, perfectionism, or being inauthentic.

Positive core beliefs help us a long our path and serve our Highest good. They bring about healthy boundaries, and positive behaviors that protect us as well as authenticity and true unshakeable confidence that comes from inside ourselves.

Reframing involves four steps.

  1. Recognize. Notice the thought and ask yourself, “Is this serving me? Is it positive or negative?” If it is negative, “Do I want to work with this thought right now and reframe it? Where does this thought come from? When did it start? Why am I thinking this?” And my favorite: “What is my motive?”
  2. Acknowledge. Notice and say hi to the feelings that are coming up with the thought. You can’t deny them; they are there and real, and will come back to haunt you if you try denial. Seriously. They will. What are your feelings telling you?
  3. Stop or Disrupt the thought. The beautiful thing about our minds is that we can only think one thought at a time. I know that sometimes it feels like we are thinking a millions things at once: our brain is going so fast, a thousand miles a second, that we must be thinking a million things at once. Not true.
  4. Replace the thought with a new thought. If you don’t do this last and final step you will have a hole left where the old thought was inside your thinking patterns. That means the old thought can easily come back, so simply replace it with a positive thought and a positive way of thinking.

One of the most useful things I received in the workshop is a list of ten common patterns of distorted or crooked thinking.

All-or-Nothing (Black & White Thinking) – Switching from one extreme to another. Eg. “One mistake ruined the whole thing.”

Overgenerallization – Assuming that because something happened once it will always happen. Eg. “I always blow it at the last minute.” or “You always forget to do the things I ask.”

Mental Filter (Dwelling on the Negative) – Dwell on the negatives and ignore the postives. Eg. “I got it right this time but I had to try three times before I finally got it right.”

Discounting the Postivies – Insisting that your accomplishments or positive qualities don’t count. Eg. “I was just lucky.”

Jumping to Conclusions – Part A is Mind Reading. Belieivng that you know what other people are thinking. Eg. “They all thought I was stupid.” Part B is Fortune Telling. Arbitrarily predicting that things will turn out badly. Eg. “Everything is bound to go wrong.”

Magnification or Minimization – Either blowing things way up out of porportion or shrinking their importance inappropriately. Eg. “I’ll never get over it.”

Emotional Reasoning – Mistaking feeling for facts. Eg. “I’m so worried; I just know soemthing is going to go wrong.”

Should statements – Criticizeing yourself or others with shoulds, shouldn’ts, musts, oughts and have tos.

Labelling (Name Calling) – Idenfiying with your shortcomings or mistakes. Eg. “I’m and idiot.” or “Anybody who could do that must be brain dead.”

Personalization and Blame – Blaming yourself for soemthing that was not your responsibility. “Its all my fault” or “If only I’d done more.”

When I went through this list the first time I easily was able to check off four patterns that apply to me. Since watching my thoughts more carefully I’ve checked off more.

Our class was given the following exercise:

For one week record your negative thoughts. You might write them down, or make check marks on paper, or put a penny in a jar for each one that you have. If you are recording your negative thoughts on paper, divide your paper into three columns. In the first column put your thoughts. In the second column identify the pattern. Lastly, re-frame the thought in the third box. This exercise is done to bring more awareness to what thoughts you are thinking and gives an opportunity to practice re-framing, if you are so inclined.

You are invited to join us, and share with me your experiences of this approach and thought patterns. Have you done something like this before? Was it beneficial? How did you change your thinking most efficiently?

Next week is part two of this topic. 🙂