Category Archives: conciousness

Sleep Paralysis, Trauma, and Entities | Spiritual Emergency Symptom

The other night a friend of mine told me a story. She told me others found it hard to believe what she was telling me. She told me of sleep paralysis and experiencing black figures in the room. She found out later, looking back, that she was experiencing a spiritual emergency and it was a way for her to process trauma within her own life.

As I listened to her story it sounds remarkably like my own story. I’ve had several instances that terrify me so badly I purposely keep myself awake for a night or two after the experience. I never knew someone else had experienced it, too! The experiences always seem to happen randomly, but after hearing my friends story, I began to wonder if it happened when I was working through trauma like she was.

It always happens the same. I go to bed as per usual. Suddenly I wake up, wide awake, but I can’t move my body. I am frozen and can’t make a noise no matter how hard I try to scream. There are one or more black figures in the room, usually on top of me. I can feel them and sometimes I can see them. They are always silent and they always have an intent to hurt me. One time I felt one pressing against my throat so I couldn’t breathe. Another time I felt it wanted to rape me.

The best way I’ve figured out how to handle these experiences is to close my eyes, and start to breathe deeply with a goal to get back into my body. I begin to will with all my might my fingers or toes to move because if I can get a body part to move I am instantly back in my body.

After I usually turn on all of the lights and my body is shaking. I won’t sleep for the rest of that night.

I remember to times specifically when I was working through trauma I experienced this including one this past year. While I was practising Kirtan Kriya it was a little bit different than the previous experiences in the sense that there was a Being at the foot of my bed who projected the image of a heart into my mind while my body felt like it had electricity running through it. It didn’t try to kill me but I was still didn’t sleep for two nights after.

Another time was when I first moved to the West Coast and was volunteering at Hollyhock on Cortes Island. I had a wonderful place to stay. My time there was a vortex – the house I shared was with nine other healers. All we did in our spare time was trade sessions. We woke up at six am and meditated before breakfast. We counselled each other. It was a life changing place in more than one way, and I remember in the middle of the night one time, experiencing the sleep paralysis with a black being on top of me ready to rape me.

No one really knew what to make of the experience, including myself, but I had begun to wonder about these black shapes. I know and recognize the mind is a powerful tool that needs to be respected and that I need to learn how to use properly. I began to wonder if these black beings were apparitions created by the mind of my worst fears. I began to wonder if maybe they were thought forms I had created somehow.

Looking back in my life I see that these experiences came often when I was in the middle of a big emotional shift and doing a lot of work and personal healing on myself. It seems to be a sign that I am undergoing something big in my life and to pay attention. I also noticed I learned how to calmly respond to the situation even though it terrifies me.

It taught me the power of my breath and of being inside my body. It taught me about my will power because I have to connect to my will in order to move my fingers or toes when this happens. It taught me to be courageous. It taught me not to believe what my mind creates. It taught me that fears can truly have power over me if I let them.

I still have fears from the traumas experienced and I have a general lack of trust in the world because of those experiences but I have also spent a long time shifting those things.

Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis like this before? How do you work through or cope with your fears from trauma?

Research/Links
Spirituality and Trauma
Spiritual Sleep Paralysis
Sleep Paralysis and Spirits
Spiritual Emergence Network

P.S. When I was searching for a picture for this post I opened up the one in it now and noticed beside me a spider the size of a penny making his way toward me ON MY BED. I kicked him out (not kill him) and decided to use this butterfly picture.

The Dating Dance | The Energetic Side of a Date | Energetic Cords

This is inspired by a post on one of the blogs that I follow who posted this here.

In this post I’d like to talk about a couple of things.

First I go over cords because this is all done through the cords. From my understanding, at the beginning of a relationship, most of the dating dance is done in the subtle realms. The physical realms help a lot, of course, however, the energy is potent and can make or break a relationship in my opinion.

The second part is an example of how the dance works. This post is written from a heterosexual point of view, but can be applied to any mixture of gender and couples. It’s all energies, frequencies, and connections.

Next week’s post will be about managing these energetic cords in healthy ways.

It seems to me that there is an energetic sensitivity that occurs between two people dancing the date dance. Every so often I’ve seen it in my head:

Myself and the man are walkie talkies set to our own frequency. Then we go out on a date together which shows us if our frequencies can match each other, if we can talk a similar language, if we can hear each other. Its a dance that comes to an end it seems when we part ways. But then, our frequencies have become attuned to each other. After that point, whether we know it or not, our subconscious and conscious ways of being will effect the result of that date.

A Brief Lesson On Cords

Even though we are not in each others physical company we still have an energetic cord that has been created. This cord runs from me to him and him to me. It keeps us in tune with each other. And its often subconscious. This is why people say that if you think of someone often they are probably thinking about you. Or why your intuition can tell you more about a person in silence than when your with them.

Because of the cord that has been created you can tune into that person and feel what they are feeling. You get the inside scoop on what is going on for them. Which is probably why women always know when a man is cheating – its whether or not they want to admit it. We can feel where they are putting their time and energy. We are built for it.

But don’t worry men, you can tune into women as well we can tune into you. I’ve dated men who will take the time to tune into me, and I have to admit to you, its a huge selling point for me in a man.

Both parties in a relationship have the same access to the cord that connects you two.

Lets be clear about one thing about these cords: These cords run between you and other people ALL THE TIME.

The deeper and more intimate the relationship the stronger/bigger the cords is. The less depth to the relationship the less the cord is there. Cords are created between you and your family members, friends, work mates, team mates, the barista you received coffee from today, the beggar on the street… Absolutely everyone!

Cords are part of a natural process of life that allows us to develop deeper connections with those we desire to and to stay tuned into those people. The people that after several months of not talking to we want to call up and say “Hey” or the people that pop into our heads. “I needed to call George because I felt like something was wrong. It turns out that he had a terrible fall the other day and just got out of the hospital.”

Healthy cords allow us to feel connected and supported within the web of people that we know. We are in a constant state of giving and taking energetically. The cords allow the energy we need to come to us and the energy others need to be gifted to them in this constant flux.

Unhealthy cords create unhealthy tendencies in relationships. Some examples of these behaviours are the following:

an unhealthy obsession will occur
one person inside the relationship will be constantly fatigued (or if a person has several cords connecting in unhealthy ways then that person might be constantly tired)
a codependent relationship may occur
or a person will be almost addicted to another person.

It is because of the cord that is developed on a date that a sensitivity to another person is developed. The person at the other end of the cord can literally feel what you are putting out there. Are you putting out a desperate vibe? Are you putting out a i-liked-him-had-a-great-night-will-trust-that-he-calls-me-goes-about-my-day-vibe?

Whichever vibe you are feeding is what he will feel through the cord that connects the both of you.

And he will match his response to that vibe.

Just as you will match your response to his vibe.

In my experience, this is how unhealthy people enter into a relationship with other unhealthy people while healthy people attract healthy people.

If the frequency you put off when you are away from that person matches their blueprint (the way that perceive and function in relationships) that person will generally pursue the relationship.

An Example

I go on a date with a man and we match well. I feel really connected to him, and I feel the night has gone amazing. We may have even shared a kiss! When he drops me off, he says, “I’ll call you tomorrow.” I say, “Please do.” with a grin, and leave on a high.

If I am in an unhealthy state of mind I might be obsessively checking my phone, allowing whether or not he calls me to affect my mood. I may obsess for a few days before taking action and doing something about it. Perhaps I have been thinking about him non-stop. I may not be focused on what I am doing because I am so focused on him. Maybe even stop doing what I need to do because this has affected me so much.

The man feels this when he thinks about me. That’s all he has to do in order to tune into my energy. The more aware he is the more conscious information he will receive, however, he will still receive information in the subtle realms and respond appropriately for his blueprint.

If he is operating a healthy state of mind most likely in that extreme scenario he would not be interested in pursuing the relationship further. If he is in an unhealthy state of mind he would probably pursue the relationship as long as he felt that it could match the blueprint he holds for his relationships.

If I am in a healthy state of mind the next day then I would find myself not obsessing, but curious and open. I would be doing what I need to do with the glow of the possibility of new love. I would have patience to let it grow as it will grow and to nurture it into something.

There is a lack of attachment that the unhealthy state of mind often has – an attachment to fulfilling oneself in some way instead of allowing the relationship to be the cherry on to of an already fulfilling life.

A man operating from an unhealthy state of mind might pursue me but find himself quickly rejected due to the blueprint of what I perceive a healthy relationship. A man operating from a healthy state of mind might pursue me and we might find that even if the relationship doesn’t continue as lovers that we can be in relationship to each other in healthy ways.

That, to me, is the energetic dance of dating.

It’s something to think about and be aware of, but not something obsess over. It’s something to witness inside of yourself and consciously make choices about what kind of frequency you put out to increase the probability of what you desire coming true.

Think beyond just relationships with lovers. This is a micro view of a macro. This is a pattern that holds true for all areas of life. The frequency you put out will attract that in the subtle realms.

And its all learning.

Stay tuned for next weeks post on healthy ways to manage your cords.

Question: Why do we incarnate into human beings in the first place?

Q: “If we have the ability to reach a metaphysical existence, why do we incarnate into human beings in the first place? This is connected to why can we light travel in the first place; is that what we’re here to do, or is it an interesting peculiarity of humans?

I’ve heard about needing to clear densities, “repent” for past lives, and other explanations before. What are your thoughts?”

A: My favourite answer to your question is a bit of a story, but it is one that I love and suits my framework quite well:

Everything was created in the Universe by the Universe. The Universe loved all of it, but because the Universe had created it all from itself it was also everything. This meant that the Universe was not able to experience itself because there was no separation from itself. Thus the Universe decided to separate a portion from itself so that it would have the ability to experience all aspects of the Universe. That act created our souls, and all souls. Our souls then began to experience the Universe, and the Universe was able to experience all there was in its creations. Our souls travelled, lived, spoke, felt. We went everywhere and we still do – we are here, we were aliens, we were in hell, and we were in heaven. We experienced alternate realities and dimensions.

Our soul is always craving the wholeness of ‘home’, always trying to get home, often forgetting that we are here to experience, to grow, to love. By accepting and allowing that process we connect more fully to our ‘home’ which is all around us. That is how we reflect our love back to the Universe. That is how we become one with it.

Each one comes into life, into Being, with a specific purpose or intent of what they would to experience in this life, of what we would like to gift to the Universe. At the same time we use our experiences to connect deeper to our own soul and to allow our soul to come out more beautifully and to facilitate that in others. By connecting to our Soul we are the Universe, we are “enlightened”, we are “ascending”, we are One. It’s a beautiful circle of perfection.Perhaps that is why we are always trying so hard to connect – our soul birth was an act of separation and therefore we feel it so deeply as a whole?

What do you think?

Soul Family Q&A

Here are the channelled Q&A I did with the Akashic Records with a group of questions I thought might be helpful. If you don’t find your question here and want an answer, please email me and I will see what I can do.

How do I find my light?

The most easy and effective way for people to find their light is for each of the to BE themselves and allow their evolution to happen. The more in tune a person becomes the more their light will shine. It really helps when people stay open and breathe – staying in the present keeps us strong. Its a practice that gets easier all the time. Breathe and be.

What does it mean and look like to be open hearted?

To be open hearted means to live from the heart instead of fear or the ego. Love always keeps us open to possibilities and opportunities, it allows us to accept everyone for who they are, it allows us to trust ourselves and our world. Open hearted is like a flower that has blossomed or a calm ocean on a sunny day.

When a person is open hearted they live moment by moment with confidence, grace, openness and love. They know feelings are fleeting and they know no matter what they will be taken care of – they will be okay. They are able to live in a state of detached grace for everything will be as it is which is perfection always for the moment.

This is a practice of living from love, true love, love for yourself.

How do we know we’ve met our soul family?

You know you’ve met your soul family when you feel like you’ve come home again. You know them by the feeling of recognition you have when you first meet them and by their quiet grace they often impact our lives.

Soul family members range just as much as human families range. It is important to remember that. The soul family often takes on HUGE roles that change your life for the better, and can be dramatic. A member of your soul family always sticks around or comes back into your life after an explosion.

Your soul family accepts you for you, even when you’ve changed. They know your essence not just your human form.

Soul family creates a community of love around you. They will there always through thick and thin, similar to blood brothers.

Soul families help your growth and also provide a feeling of stability and often ground members through hard lessons.

You know your family when you feel you’ve found your home. Each member carries a bit of home for you which allows you, helps you, to simply be your truth.

I feel like I’ve met someone who is soul family, but they disagree. Why?

This is such a difficult question to answer because there are so many variables such as levels of awareness, knowledge, belief systems and so on. Let the relationship unfold organically and see what it brings you. Many things can happen. Life shows us a bit at a time.

Is my soul mate/ twin flame/ the one always part of the same soul family?

No, but most often yes. Some lovers are meant to bring together two soul families into one expanded one. All soul families are related to each other in some way for each family are souls enacting various aspects of the Universal Energies.

Can I change soul families?

No. Your soul was born, created, with certain other souls to create a group working and helping each other with a certain purpose. You may join and play with other families but you can’t change the family you are born into as a soul any more than your human birth family.

Do soul families live and are born in the same area geographically?

This depends on the soul that is being born and the souls raising the new human. This is usually a decision made by the soul before birth if they will travel to meet their family or if they will be born where their family is.

If you have any questions about soul family feel free to contact me. 🙂

For your reference I’ve found a YouTube Video that talks about Soul Families and Soul Groups. It was the only one I could find, which I found strange, as soul families are so important.

The Merry-Go-Round of Self-Respect and Selfishness

This week was chalk full (where did that saying come from?) of stuff coming up for me. All of it I’ve looked at before and delved into it, but this time I knew it wasn’t a reminder. It was an invitation to go deeper, go through another layer, take another ride on the Merry Go Round.

The horses that I would ride on my beautiful red with gold gild carousel would be called Selfishness and Self-Respect. If I could give my love to both horses at the same time I would, however, I can only fully focus on one at a time. Thus I will do so:

Self-Respect

The class I’m in right now focuses on helping women gain employment skills and increase self-confidence and self-esteem. A common theme became evident in a classroom conversation when the teachers were out of class: All of us had met and dated men that did not respect women.

Many of us agreed that there definitely are men out there that respect women. Just how do we meet one?

I explained what we had noticed and put the following question to one of my good friends and sometimes mentor. “Why is it that we all seem to be experiencing men who don’t respect women?”

Her response was a question: “How many of the women in your group respect themselves?”

Thinking about it, not many of us do. We are in the process of learning to respect ourselves. It shows through the significant differences that have emerged among all the women from our first day to now from the way we act, speak, and are taking care of ourselves.

On the flip side, how can I expect others to respect me if I don’t respect myself?

I began evaluating my life. How am I not respecting myself? What does it look like to respect myself? How would I define respect?

Here are some of the things that came to mind for me:

Boundaries. Trusting myself. Following my heart and my intuition. Giving myself what I need: space to contemplate and process, silence. Taking care of myself first.

What would it look like to respect myself? In all honesty, I’m not sure. I imagine I would feel empowered and strong. Guarding my boundaries would be second nature. I would know how I am feeling and how to respectfully state it. My voice would be used appropriately and be heard.

How am I not respecting myself? Boundaries are huge for me and learning what it is that I am feeling.

Its so important that to know what I am emotionally feeling. Often times I need a while to identify and process what I feel. As much as I would like to rush this process I need to allow it to flow. This will make my life easier, and when I am in relationships I will be able to better handle myself. It will become clearer to me why I am making the choices I choose.

Following my heart and intuition I feel I’m doing okay on. It is usually easier for me to follow my intuition but it gets cloudy when I don’t have the space that I need to allow my heart and intuition to speak.

Selfishness

It seems that we are programmed in Western Society to believe that taking care of ourselves first is selfish, and that selfishness is bad bad bad! I believe this to be a faulty thought pattern. As a healer I often hear, witness and fall victim to the thought that I must be selfless and therefore all that I possibly can to others. This is not true.

It came to my awareness last year that taking care of myself leads to me taking even better care of others. It made it okay for me to do what I need to do and not drop everything I was doing for other people. It was okay to ensure that I had a bit of time for myself each day.

I have noticed that still to this day I will allow other people to have more presence in my life than what I would personally like. For me one of the biggest acts of selfishness is taking myself away from others in time and in presence. This is also one of the healthiest things that I can do for myself.

Selfishness is a behavior that is trained out of us though that can benefit many. It allows us to clarify what we desire and want. It allows us to create and to be. It allows us to know ourselves.

Selfishness is not bad when it is not in the egotistical extreme. It is a good thing in many cases. We are living on this planet for ourselves, not for others. Yes, we may help others a long our way which is an experience that can create sensations of goodness, but ultimately our life needs to be lived for us. If we let others rule our life will we truly find happiness, contentment or joy?

Is it selfish that as a healer I will reschedule a session with a client if I do not feel that I can be fully present? A year ago I wouldn’t have, but now it is simply that I cannot give them a quality session when I am in a poor emotional, mental or physical state. This action takes care of myself and provides my client a better quality service.

As much as I have grown in this regard I still take better care of other people than I do myself.

Often I treat people in my life how I want to be treated, however I don’t treat myself nearly as well. Rarely do I spoil myself in ways that make my soul sing. It is easy for my boundaries to become mucky and my voice go unheard. Often experiences of silence that soothe my soul more than anything else disappear. Space that I require to process and contemplate I choose to relinquish because I want to spend time with others.

I love them more than I love me it seems.

Taking care of myself will automatically create self-respect and trust.

By being “selfish” I know that no matter what is happening in my life I will consistently take care of myself. Therefore I can trust that my needs are being met. Self-respect will grow.

The act of sacrificing a part of me because its “right” or because it will help someone no longer exists. I will stay whole, and I will stay me.

My horses seem to be brother and sister. Perhaps they are the beautiful chestnut horses that pull the carriage on my Merry Go Round. When I work with one the other becomes stronger, and vice versa. I love that they are so inter-related!

What do you think self-respect is? Thoughts on selfishness?

Crooked Thinking and Limiting Beliefs Part 2

Last weeks blog post became so long I had to divide it into two! This post focuses more on my learning, the reminders that I received during the workshop and some of my thoughts that occurred to me.

One of the main reminders I received in the workshop is that my choice of words is very important and do matter. A lot of re-framing reminds me of non-violent communication (NVC) because it has so much to do with the choice of words that we use when talking to ourselves. Our word choices easily spill out to our communications with other people, but if we focus on changing the words we use with others it will change how we think and vice versa.

It seems much more powerful to focus on, or at least be aware of, both at once. I’m curious if thought rehabilitation would be faster that way?

The following questions began to surface in my mind: How conscious have I been the last couple weeks? How aware have am I right now? Am I in the present moment?

And sadly, I have to say, that these last couple weeks being in the present moment and consciously aware of what I am doing have not been on the top of my priority list. I’ve felt like I’m floating around for the majority of the time. In that moment I renewed my commitment to practicing self-awareness and bringing myself back to the present moment.

Nobody can make me feel anything. The phrase “He made me mad.” is false because he didn’t make me mad. I feel mad when he does that because… Most likely the because is due to a link of an experience from the past. It is my choice to acknowledge the feelings that come up and how I deal with them.

As soon as I say “He made me mad” I’ve given my power away to him. In order for me to not give away my power to anyone else I need to take full responsibility for how I feel and thereby how I act. I never have to act angry if I choose not to act angry. Instead I can acknowledge the feeling and the underlying emotion and choose a desired option such as releasing my anger in a healthy way.

Feelings and emotions are two different things. Feelings are fleeting and can change in an instant. Emotions tend to stay with us and are much more difficult to change. I studied with a psychologist once who liked to state that all feelings come from one of four base emotions: pain, love, fear, joy.

When thinking about negative and positive thoughts, I often see that there are two parts of me. Each part is a plant. One plant is the positive and the other plant is negative. I have a choice of which one I will water and give food to. Thinking negative thoughts will help the negative plant and part of me to grow. But if I think positive thoughts, and change my negative thoughts to positive ones my positive side and plant grows strong. In the meantime the negative side withers and shrinks. The part of me that I pay most attention to will eventually take on a life of its own, making it easier to think in a particular way until its natural.

After contemplating the workshop material for a few days, I’ve come to conclude that I function under the core belief that I am flawed. Looking at myself completely honestly I have many of the thought patterns and behaviors listed.

I’ve put on my war gear and superhero cape and am proud to report that I’m slowly but surely winning the battle of minds.

The picture to the side with the saying “It is easier to build up a child than to repair a man” has been getting passed around on my Facebook. I have to agree: Repairing myself is a lot of work. It takes a lot of time, energy, awareness and constant alertness. It can be serious. A lot is at stake, as in most wars.

I like to make it playful and dramatic because it makes things so much more fun.

In my mind’s eye I put on my fighting gear, which changes according to the activity and my mood . Then I see my weapons – skills, life experience, tools – being brandished and I get ready for battle. I sit down in lotus pose even when I’m in a black latex suit with cats ears on my head like Cat Woman. Perhaps I’ll be Storm another day. Or maybe a ninja. Sometimes I’m just me.

I’m waiting to catch the thought, waiting for the moment to come where I can best act…

And when that moment comes I pounce on it! I use all the skills, tools and life experience I’ve accumulated to counteract the thought.

Often I miss the thought, that sweet moment when I know I’ve changed this one. The times that I catch them are quickly increasing in frequency, and my superhero self is getting much more skilled. Slowly I am learning the ways that thought patterns like to disguise themselves.

For me, changing my thoughts changes my life. Changing a thought can easily and effortlessly change my entire world; it can create a new world. It can bring things into my life, help me expand what I see and experience, and create more knowing and wisdom. It allows me to know my soul a bit more and allow my Highest Service to come through.

I believe that complete and true freedom comes from ones thoughts. It comes when we no longer have anyone else’s programming (intended or not) running through us even at the subconscious level. It comes when we are able to have all areas in our lives run congruent, in time with each other, in full alignment with all of ourselves.

All of us can attain this freedom, and that we all can change the thoughts that we have if we choose to do so. Yes, it is hard work that ceaselessly needs to be done, but the layers and thoughts do change. That’s how you know you’ve graduated from one grade to the next.

How many grades are there?

I don’t know.

That is why I believe this workshop is so important. What do you think? Thoughts? Do you have moments that you see yourself as a superhero? When? What is complete and true freedom to you?

Purity of Thought

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about purity of thought and the power behind it. So voila! Here are some thoughts I’ve been working on for a little while. Enjoy!

Many great teachers have mentioned and taught many times over that purity of thought is a huge component in manifesting ascension for ourselves. They all teach different ways that can help one to achieve the level of purity that is required: thinking positive thoughts, replacing all thoughts with positive ones, mantras, meditation practices, prayer, breathing to mention a few common techniques.

What is purity of thought?

I believe it is the emotional and mental state (thereby physical and spiritual states too) where we are ourselves, one hundred percent pure. In this state we have no fear, sadness, pain, happiness or joy. It is not to say that we do not experience emotion, but rather our emotions do not control us. They don’t bring us into the past or into the future. We are in the moment as each moment happens.

In this state we have no pre-programmed beliefs or systems running through us at all. Other people’s ideas and thoughts from our parents to our society’s no longer exist within us, and we have nothing to truly “process” or “figure out”. It all is, and we are able to see and know in the fullest sense of Truth. We have entered the No-Mind of Zen and Nirvana of Buddhism.

It is also when we are in this completely pure state that our subconscious is in total alignment with our consciousness, and that means we step into full consciousness, full awareness of our power. That is when we have one hundred percent control of our body and we can heal any part of ourselves effortlessly. It is when we are able to reprogram our minds, bodies, and spirit in an instant because we are no longer a slave to the mind or the emotional body. This is sometimes called the state of the Ascended Masters and other enlightened beings.

I believe it is our true state, and we’ve simply forgotten what our true state is. Aka. YES! I’M A SUPERHERO IN DISGUISE!!! 😀

And so are you.

How do we attain purity of thought?

This process is going to be different for each person because we are all unique individuals with so many variables affecting each of us.

Because we are all so unique no one says that you need to be a new age spiritual junkie to attain purity of thought. I personally believe that many people who work close with nature like a survivalist, and all of the people we have seen YouTube videos about as they play with ‘wild animals’ such as lions or crocodiles have somehow attained a purity of thought that is rare in our current society. Perhaps you can attain it with food?

For me, right now it will come through my practices that are largely a mix-mash of many different traditions and the focus of this particular article is written with that focus and influence.

And I believe all of the ways that the great spiritual teachers teach us are all equally valid. Perhaps one of the best ways of reaching purity of thought is using each practice, or devising our own, as it fits most naturally in our lives.

If we were to do all of the most common spiritual practices our life might look something like:

Wake up
Meditate in whichever form you are inspired to (minimum 1 hour)
Yoga
Visit nature to maintain a strong connection to the planet (and its grounding)
Pray
Practice gratitude
Constant watching of thought and reprogramming thought patterns as much as possible (tireless work)

When do you actually go to work?

Purity of Thought in Practice

It seems like a lot, and it is. It gets easier for all of us as more people do the work to create larger paths for others to follow. It also gets easier with practice because it turns into a lifestyle that naturally benefits you. I know from my personal experience that tenacious dedication to my spiritual practices at first were essential in turning spirituality into a natural lifestyle. Even though there was a lot of work involved I noticed a general improvement over my entire well-being and flow to my life.

I’ve also noticed that many practices have become so well ingrained with my life after years of practice that I am no longer able to separate the spiritual part of myself from the rest of me. It would take conscious effort on my part to stop doing spiritual practices because I have such a strong habit of praying when I’m walking, practicing mindfulness whenever I remember, and watching my thoughts.

I am still far from perfect though and often I resist flowing into a more dedicated practice in my life. I say, “I’m too busy” to meditated everyday. That is an excuse, I know. Often when I experience resistance to my practice and so slowly I let it decline into something (for me) that’s non-existent. This resistance comes most often from fear. This was the fear that Marianne Williamson so famously speaks about in the following words:

“it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.”

Any practice, spiritual or not, that brings us closer to our true selves, our Divinity, helps our light shine brighter and our power to grow.

Results of Purity of Thought

In our society purity of thought separates us from the norm, our light and power separates us from everyone else. (Spiderman anyone? Batman? Cat Woman? X-Men? Maybe they aren’t all light, but they definitely have power and they are definitely separate from the norm…)

The stronger our light shines, the greater the degree of difference we feel from more people. We no longer resonate with them. We are there to help and share our wisdom and talents but the actual amount of people that we can be true friends or lovers with gets smaller and smaller and smaller the purer our thought becomes. Unless we show everyone how easy it is to be a superhero! 😛

To have purity of thought defines you as someone different from everyone else. Purity of thought brings forth the impossible into everyday lives, and when it is strong, can show what is actually possible as a human being. People who pursue this purity will learn that their lives are very different from the norm, and it will in a sense alienate them from the majority. But they will be the most courageous, brilliant, ingenious, beautiful and radiant human beings we will ever see and know.

My Conclusion

Therefore, I accept the challenge to manifest purity of thought in my own mind. Because I’m done being scared of who I truly am. Because I am going to take control and take responsibility for everything in my life so that I can create exactly what I desire in my life. So each day I will learn my lessons as best I can, and learn more about how I can shine, practicing releasing all that holds me back. Because I really love the thought that I’M A SUPERHERO!

What do you say? Will you join me in uncovering your inner superhero? Perhaps your path is not one of meditation. What path do you choose, and what path works for you?

I’m excited to hear about your adventures! 🙂

P.S.

This article turned out to be five-page long essay, so this blog post is a much shortened version of that. 🙂

The Spiral Change

I’ve done it! I’ve finished my business plan and my request for business seed money has been granted! With endings come new beginnings, and since the completion of my business plan I’ve been very focused on writing and creating this blog. One of my advisers noticed this, and recently in our conversation brought up his surprise as to where I am putting all my attention to.

“Shouldn’t you be more focused on Willows Lavender than your blog at this point? If you focus on many different things, you can only do a little bit at a time, but if you focus on one thing you can get a lot more done in a shorter time period?”

He was right. And so I informed him, that honestly, I just don’t know what the next step is with Willows Lavender. What do I need to do now?

We didn’t come up with an answer because we didn’t know what I needed to do. But this conversation did prompt me to pull some cards before I went to sleep that night. The cards that I pulled were: Inner Power, Self-Reliance, and Quiet Time. I spent some time feeling them and this is what passed through my mind:

Starting and running my own business is a huge step in taking back my power and owning it. I need to be in my power as a business owner.
This business is a way for me to become more self-reliant on myself, learn to find the answers of what I need to do next by myself, for I am full of wisdom if I will listen to it.
Take some time off from working and allow yourself to open to the wisdom wishing to be heard.

I thanked the cards, put them away, and rolled into sleep fully intending to take the next day off to work more with my own inner guidance.
—————–

Spiral Times began in 2009 as an experiment, which each and every post has been since then. It began because I felt a need to share with others my experiences, thoughts, dreams and desires – many of which I have never taken the time to write down and post about. Spiral Times fell aside as life’s many lessons came full blast to me over the next few years until I was once again ready to post, which was last year at the end of 2011.

Never has Spiral Times lost its meaning to me, and today I would like to share with you why this blog is named as such because it is named for a moment that is still very vivid in my mind and that has greatly affected the way that I live and experience life.

In that particular moment, five years ago, my heart was being torn in many different directions. I knew that no matter which way I chose to go I would lose something important to me and so I couldn’t make up my mind in which direction to go. Crying out in despair for help, tears rolling down my face (it was dramatic in my mind so imagine it as so!), I was suddenly transported to another very different place.

I was walking up the slope of a white-blue spiral in a dimensionless and timeless space. The spiral expanded above and below me, and held other people who were also in various stages of ascending or descending. Sometimes they were even sitting or pacing back and forth on the spiral.

At the same time I saw and felt this, I knew that this spiral represented human consciousness. I knew that one could go up or down this spiral in whatever form or fashion one wanted to take. There were no good or bad, and no part of the spiral was better than any other part. However, the higher up the spiral one was the more “truths” one was aware of because the higher up the spiral the more “truths” one had lived. The higher truths encompassed and expanded the lower truths (for lack of me knowing the words that would better explain this experience without judgement I will use lower and higher even though no part on the spiral is better than another). Each person was living their truth, and as such was on the part of the spiral that vibrated to their truth. As each person lived they were making choices to expand or minimize their truth and change where they were on the spiral.

As I felt myself move up the spiral I returned to the living room and watched a spiral dissipate into the air, literally moving up from where I was.

This blog honors that moment that taught me so much so quickly. It was a moment that became the basis of many of my beliefs and that reminds me to argue less, to never try to convince or persuade a person, to bring compassion and understanding to every encounter, to all change to happen as it naturally does in life and with people. As your truth and vibrations change so does your life to match.

And yes, I get lost in the everyday world, and sometimes I’m not able to live these ideals, but the spiral reminds me of these ideals.

As I shift, Spiral Times shifts. Writing here for the last few months has allowed me to come to know what it is exactly that I really want to put on in the world at this moment. What I have been writing here doesn’t belong here. It belongs to Willows Lavender.

And so the Spiral Times is going to shift, make a transition, perhaps even experience a metamorphosis into what I’ve been guided that it needs to be.

On May 1st I will post again to inform you of any updates, and hopefully the Spiral Times will resume its journey anew at that time.

Until then,
Adios.

Who is Mirroring You?

What do the people around you reflect?

Many times I’ve come across the concept that the other people that I encounter are mirrors for what’s happening within me. The first time I encountered the phrase I sat back and contemplated it, rolling the phrase “People are mirrors for your inner self.” I knew it was important, but I didn’t quite understand it or realize it.

For many years after I tried to grasp the concept, tried to feel what it means for others to be a mirror of myself or to be a mirror for the person. I think once the concept is fully realized in a person will change the whole person’s behavior and the way they interact with people. Once fully realized, a person can see or feel the sweeping undertows of an interaction with another person and what is truly going on in a situation.

A small piece of Maya or illusion is removed.

Sometimes my brain has a very hard time conceptualizing a particular concept. This was one such concept. My brain twisted and bent as it strived to make sense of people mirroring me for a few years now. Often I would meet a person and do my best to see what was being mirrored back at me only to not be able to find anything at all. I would be asking the question: “What is it that I don’t like about them? What is it that annoys me?”

And if they were really annoying or infuriating to me I would say to myself, “Oh God, seriously? I really hope I am not like that at all!”

It was rare that the mirror would spawn deep reflection – my brain hurt – until I finally realized a small part of the concept just last month: Whatever I get annoyed about, I am. This was beautifully shown to me by the Universe and a friend of mine. I was complaining to her about how some people make plans: “They leave it all up in the air and I never know if we are actually going to meet or not! And I get so confused sometimes!”

My friend said: “You do that too.”

Stunned, my words died in midsentence. “What? When?”

She proceeded to give me several examples of when I had done the exact thing I was complaining about.

And it hit me: I am what I complain about.

Last week I witnessed a woman who was reflecting parts of me that I don’t like to look at or accept within myself. Because I refused to look at this aspect of me my reaction to her became stronger and stronger as I fought it – I wasn’t looking at my victim state because I wasn’t being a victim therefore why should I look there?

Deeper reflection over time revealed that there are still areas of my life where the victim mentality comes into play. By allowing myself to have a victim mentality and not being on guard of my mental patterns I step out of my personal power. I don’t take full responsibility for my life, giving it away to whatever fits in that moment of time.

Something else I have recently noticed is that in all the mirrors I’ve ever looked at, I was always trying to find what was wrong with me. I was always asking the wrong questions. I believe that asking those questions was part of the reason that I had such a hard time conceptualizing the idea – I didn’t believe that a person could mirror positive aspects of me too.

The Universe is not a tyrant.

The Universe is expressed in my reality right now as a duality – there is positive and there is negative and therefore mirrors in my life express both. Mirrors can be a positive experience!

Mirrors can be positive and beautiful too, just like you!

Realizing the other part – that you are a mirror for others – can change interactions with others as well. There are times when I have been hanging out with a person and something gets triggered. From my perspective I’ve done nothing to provoke or annoy the person, yet something happened for them that wasn’t pleasant.

Understanding that I may have mirrored for another an aspect they hate allows more acceptance and compassion to flow from me to them. Having experienced my own reaction to someone innocently reflecting one of my most undesirable aspects of myself in my opinion, I can totally empathize with a person who receives the same from me.

When a reaction like this happens, if a person is able to be conscious and allow the reaction to happen without judgment more clarity for both people can be attained. The person on the receiving end is able to step back from the situation and stay calm. He is able to practice allowance, his own wisdom and compassion. He needs to be able to decipher what is going in the situation – is he a mirror, or is he something more? How can he best respond to this situation? Does the reactor need space?

Sometimes the only thing the receiver can do is accept it. Sometimes the receiver must intervene. I would love to one day have the ability to take all with calmness and yet give out exactly what the other person needs to learn what the Universe is trying to teach, just like the story of a monk who threw his shoe at a student to make a point, or Jesus turning the merchants tables over in the temple in anger. (I’m sure most traditions have similar stories that I’d love to hear about as they bring a smile to my lips).

The person reacting needs to be able to fully react without judgment or fear, and learn from his reaction by having the space to process what happened and why. This must processing must be done on the reactors own terms and in his own time.

I feel like this happens quite often on a less extreme scale in many of my interactions with people, and part of the reason why I don’t want to respond to certain people or vice versa. I truly believe that every encounter with another is a learning opportunity. If I could use them all without being overwhelmed or driven crazy, I would! 🙂

P.S. Pictures in today’s blog posts were not taken by me. Click the image to go to the owners Flickr portfolio.

Twin Flames and Authentic Spirituality

This week was a rather slow week for me in the realm of doing things. I did a lot of thinking, and spent a lot of time formulating possible future plans for my business and where I would like it to go. Among a few key realizations I have a funny serious story to share with you! It’s kind of long, but I hope you enjoy it!

Inside this box that sits on my alter is two skeletons, together in love forever.

Last Thursday I had an Angel Card Reading that I had won. The reader was very good at what she does. It was an eye-opening experience for me. Before that reading I had always thought that my readings weren’t good enough, they weren’t as good as other peoples readings. It is definitely a line of thought that stems within my own family (the thought of not being good enough), and a thought pattern that is not helpful. After the reading I realized that my readings are just as good and as worthy as other people’s readings.

That was huge for me.

The reading was also a confirmation that I am on the “right” path. It also stewed up a bunch of stuff inside of me. She pulled the Twin Flame card. I tell you this because it directly relates to another knowing that completely formulated itself last night. Well, the Twin Flame card gets pulled, and she gets all excited, “You are going to meet your Twin Flame!”.

For those unfamilar with the term Twin Flame is considered the person to be your other half, the person who completes you, the ultimate partner. The connection is said to be very strong and fairly rare though more joinings are happening at this time more than any other time in history. It is said that when the Twin Flames join it is because they have a mission to accomplish on the planet for the good of all beings and it will be their last time reincarnated on this planet. There’s a lot of information on them on the web, my favorite piece on Twin Flames is the song Origin of Love by Hedwig and the Angry Inch. If your Twin Flame is not incarnate on the planet at the same time you are it, it is said that they are on the other side helping you as much as they can.

Back to the story! She’s excited, but when she see’s my face she realizes that I’m already in a partnership and her first question is: “Is he spiritual?”. My response is no. She then tells me that I’m going to meet my Twin Flame in a little while from now, and it’s so exciting, she’s been trying to meet her Twin Flame for a while now, and blah blah blah. For myself this is not exciting. In fact, it makes me angry and very upset.

I had decided years ago that I don’t have a Twin Flame because I feel like the idea messes with the relationships that are in my life right now. My mind begins to try to decipher if the person I’m with is a Twin Flame, and if not, then I find myself distancing myself from the relationship. Thus I decided that my Twin Flame is not living on the planet, therefore I do not have to worry about meeting him! However in the last six months I’ve had a few different messages that a Twin Flame is coming. This reading was the final straw!

I wrote an angry letter to the my Twin Flame and his Guardians basically stating that if he comes into my life it better be for good, because the term already messes with my head, and I won’t have that happening in the physical realm either. I “mailed” it to him by burning the letter, and after a minor freak-out made the decision that I would continue to believe I don’t have a Twin Flame incarnate on the planet at this time.

A flower I felted this week as I contemplated.

Why? Because I am an idealist. Because I believe that relationships with a significant other can provide huge learning opportunities, and can accelerate personal growth. Because I grew up with Disney movies, and a part of me wants to believe that a perfect knight armour is alive and meant just for me, all I have to do is wait for him. Because I choose to give myself entirely to the relationship that I have now, no question about it. I refuse to withhold any part of myself, “just in case”. Because my mind doesn’t need any fuel to screw me over.

As the week went I kept contemplating this. Something didn’t seem entirely right to me, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I began talking about this incident and some of my observations of men in my life. Something wasn’t sitting right with me. Then I spoke to the right person, one of my good friends. She said to me that my partner is spiritual, its just a different form of spirituality from what I’ve experienced. I didn’t get it. I spoke to Grams, and she said a similar thing. I still didn’t get it. But I kept trying!

And as I spoke to my best friend about it last night the realization occurred. People often in get lost in the doing of spirituality, the doing meditation, yoga, and other “spiritual” practices. Spirituality is not something that can be “done” but rather it is something that happens. It happens when a person knows themselves, is connected to themselves, and is therefore authentically them. A spiritual person is a person who is authentically being.

The practices themselves don’t really matter (they can be helpful), its the authenticity that the person operates from that does matter. Just because a person meditates, or does yoga, or any other “spiritual” practice it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are upholding stronger and clearer values than a person who doesn’t do any. I’ve definitely witnessed much of the opposite in my lifetime – people using those practices as an excuse to do what they want. This makes me happy because I no longer feel like I should be doing this or that. I feel like there is more acceptance in my heart now and more understanding.

And with that,

Have a great week!