Tag Archives: money

Job Results in Life Changing Realization

This week was a revolutionary week for me in my mindset and beliefs.

I had taken a job at a convenience store that in no way suited me. The company and I didn’t have the same values, nor did the job allow me to have any sort of self-expression or a feeling of fulfilment at the end of my shift. Where I would like to be helping people, I was serving them cigarettes and junk food. When I would like to have self-expression through my hair and clothing, at work it was reduced to uniformity to not look any different than anyone else – I had to wear black pants.* When I went in search of said pants I couldn’t buy them. They didn’t inspire me in any way, shape or form. Neither did my job.

I tried hard to be happy working there. The people there were kind and my manager flexible with my schedule. I was earning money. A person can be happy anywhere, right? Each day before work I would ground and centre myself so that I could present my most joyful self. I wanted to connect with the customers that were coming through, lighten them, spread joy. Instead I found myself quickly drained and grumpy.

For me, it felt like my soul was dying each day that I went to work and I lost a bit of my individuality. I felt like I was loosing consciousness and awareness with each customer that I rung through my till. Troubling.

Reflecting on this and the job, I wondered to myself why I was there. It occurred to me during my reflections that I could quit my job. And if I did, everything would be okay and work itself out. Exciting!

Later in the day, when talking with a friend, my job situation came up. When I heard myself speak I became aware that I was working a job unsuitable to my personality and who I am because I was scared of lack – not having a liveable income or home.

I learned that I was re-enacting a pattern that has occurred in my life over and over again over the past six years, one I’m ready to stop. The pattern is taking a job “just because I need the money” instead of taking a job because I like it or enjoy it. Whenever I’ve taken a job for that reason, using the logic that once I have something I’ll be able to search for what I want, I’ve never been able to find an enjoyable job. Instead I get dragged down by a job I don’t enjoy and end up not searching for anything new or I jump to another equally unsatisfying job.

This festered and grew in my mind over the next few days and came into being a huge realization that is indeed revolutionary to the way that I live my life:

If I choose to do something out of fear-based energies, then I will attract more fear-based energies into my life. But if I choose instead, to do something out of love-based energies then love-based energies will surely flow into my life.

That made too much sense to me to ignore it.

I needed to quit.

But I was scared.

This is a very different way of thinking for me that wasn’t taught to me by my family, school, or even by my culture. The more I contemplated this the more it made sense, and several occurrences happened creating confidence in me and in my decision.

First I noticed in the prayer that I’ve been saying each morning for a few weeks includes this line:

Oh Kind and Merciful Kuan Yin, give me steadfast courage to follow my heart in my life’s journey, even when it means defying the expectations of others to reach my true destiny.

The same day I choose to do what I needed to do I pulled the affirmation card stating:

I am totally adequate for all situations. I am one with the power of the Universe. I claim this power, and it is easy for me to stand up for myself.

I wondered, is quitting a job that is unsuitable to me standing up for myself? Is it ultimately an act of self-love?

One of the women in my class made the statement that day, “It’s like I had to give myself permission to be happy.”

Ironically, that’s what I felt that I needed to do. Why do I need to work a job I don’t like? How does that make sense? I don’t and it doesn’t make sense. The Universe put us on the planet to be happy, not to be miserable. Our life is supposed to be filled with joy in all areas, however that looks for each of us. And it will be different for all of us. Obviously, this job is not my joy.

Then, in the book I was reading, I stumbled upon:

“Follow your bliss. – Joseph Campbell”

Well, you know, a woman has to do what a woman has to do. I decided I want to bring forth only energies of love, therefore all things that I do will be based out of love and happiness instead of fear.

I called my workplace and quit. A weight lifted off of me, and I was happy and excited about life again. Curiosity about what life and I can create in my universe came back.

The next day I pulled these affirmations:

I now go beyond other peoples fears and limitations. It is ‘my’ mind that creates my experiences. I am unlimited in my own ability to create the good in my life.

It is safe to look within. As I move through the layers of other peoples opinions and beliefs I see within myself a magnificent being, wise and beautiful. I love what I see in me.

Suiting, no?

*My wardrobe has morphed into mainly skirts/dresses, with the very odd day being a jeans day.

Self-Acceptance

The world is a wonderful harmonious place. It is full of sunshine, rainbows, and faeries. There are little Unicorns traipsing along the rainbows if you look close enough, and the fey regularly come out to happily play. The trees reach up into the sky unremittingly, the birds chirp joyously, and the plants all around us innocently grow. Humans help each other whenever possible and listen empathetically when appropriate. Time doesn’t matter  so there is no rush to accomplish anything because it is all completed right on Universal time. Laughter and joy permeate in the air around us. Kindness and generosity are regular occurrences. There is naught a harmful intention in the air for all is cared for and wonderful to bear.

This is what my brain naturally thinks of the world before I leave my bed. Then I get up. Reality is very far from the perfect fairy tale world that I like to think I live in.

I have been told over and over and over again certain things: The way I think is wrong. I am naive. The world doesn’t work that way. People aren’t kind and generous. I can’t trust people. Helping people is not worth the time nor expense – they are all trying to get something from you. Happiness is not possible unless you have lots of money. And yet money doesn’t buy you happiness.

Most of my life I’ve thought that I am weird. I view the world differently and that, I’m told, is a “bad” thing. I’ve allowed all of the thoughts listed above, and my beliefs about myself that are based on other peoples thoughts to stop my natural tendencies, personality, and who I am from being shown. By doing that I allowed my power to be taken away.

Now that I am in the process of taking back my power and stepping into it there is much to learn and many thought patterns that will gradually be reformed. One thing that I have noticed is that  when I am centred into my heart and grounded the outside worlds opinions don’t matter nearly as much, and I am able to confidently spread my joy and heart openly.

When I was in grade one or two I had my first jarring experience of not being accepted. My parents had enrolled me in a Christian private school that was rather extreme in a lot of their views and actions unknown to my parents at the time. What my parents were concerned about was the high quality of education provided by the school, which it definitely provided.

In class we had been asked if our parents were Christians. I didn’t raise my hand because my parents weren’t “Christians” by the schools definition of the word. The next day during the first recess I was approached by a group of girls. The leader of the group asked me “Is it true that your parents aren’t Christians?”

I, excruciatingly shy, nodded, surprised to be surrounded by so many people. The leader then informed me: “My mommy says I can’t play with you because your parents aren’t Christians.” The other girls nodded, and all of them walked away. I distinctly remember the feeling of shock, disappointment and confusion.

Reflecting on this memory illustrates to me that non-acceptance is taught or learned. It is a belief or thought pattern that until otherwise expressed most children would not think other than total acceptance of what is, whether that be a person, idea, animal, etc.

At first I thought self-acceptance was a value made up of a collection of beliefs, but now I’ve decided that self-acceptance is the sum of deeply ingrained beliefs. If a person lacks self-acceptance this shows with various statements that tell what the person thinks of themselves or believes  about themselves. The same goes if a person has self-acceptance.

The beliefs that dictate if we will or can accept ourselves for who we are define what we think of ourselves. All of these beliefs and self-acceptance rest energetically within the solar plexus chakra. Therefore, self-acceptance is directly tied to and effects  self-esteem, body image, stepping into one’s power and self-confidence.

Hug yourself! Your beautiful too!

Some of the beliefs that may contribute to not accepting ourselves are:

“I can’t do that because its too hard”

“I am too stupid”

“I am too fat”

Versus

“I am capable of working hard to achieve what I want.”

“I am intelligent. It is okay to make mistakes.”

“I am beautiful the way I am.”

The last couple of weeks I struggled with my own issues of self-acceptance. There were many people who came into my life who were mirrors for aspects of myself that I don’t really care to think about or look at. In fact, sometimes I refuse to look at those aspects. When the aspects of myself are mirrored and I find myself reacting strongly to the person mirroring the aspect I know that I am not accepting something of me.

One woman last week stood out in particular. When I saw this woman, I saw me. When I saw her victim state I saw mine. And this was repulsive to me. She was a reminder of a part of me, of who I had been at one point in my life, and I really did not like it. This was a part of myself that I found hard to look at never mind love. It was much easier to ignore that part of me and pretend that it had never happened.

And so I question: Is a person whole only when they accept all parts of themselves?

A person is whole when they are able to accept the fact that they are going to cry, be angry, be upset, have bad days, have bad hair, and that they have a “shadow side”. Sometimes we are going to think “bad” things, we are going to make judgments on ourselves or others, do things that we are going to regret. And all of that is okay. It is all part of our human experience and all part of our own personal journeys.